By chance, I heard Kosheen in a hotel lobby and had to smile.
It felt like an eternity since I had heard this band off and on and memories were flashing through my mind’s eye. To be honest, I think I was about 16 years old and naive, but full of life, and two of the band’s songs really hit me: “Catch” and “Hide U”. In my young imagination, I saw myself in a range of scenarios, as well as on a rollercoaster of crushes, without knowing what this really meant. And this was exactly where I found myself once – I was in the middle of a room and sang the following lyrics with a level of self-awareness:„It is your date with destiny, it is too late to leave it after all it is your, your party“.
Now, I’m more than a decade older and had I known at 16 what I’ve experienced and learned so far – wow. I could definitely say that thejourney of love is probably the hardest lesson that we always have to relearn and re-experience.
And there was a feeling that defies description – somewhere between euphoria, disappointment, anticipation, resignation, flight, closeness, distance, expectation, time, space, hope and reality. With no idea how you’re behaving.
Is there a right, is there a wrong?
It is a matter of acceptance and respect.
Accept the answer, whether it’s a “no”, a “maybe” or a “yes”.
Do we really always know what we want?
Is it better to “push” someone away rather than letting them near and showing vulnerability? Or do we already know subconsciously that we are taking a chance with the person, and this is so frightening that the attempt to take a risk gives us the fear because we might have to make compromises and trade our independence for togetherness and connection?
Some say that when you know, you know.
All I can say is “good luck” and “lucky you” to everyone for whom it is simple and easy to admit being in “love”.
For the rest of us – it’s a huge let-down, but I don’t have a cure-all. However, I believe in honesty, sincerity and that if you don’t go „all in“ when it comes to love, thenyou may well miss out on the greatest opportunity for the adventure of a lifetime.
The exit is not the goal here. We also don’t need to romanticise anything, but we should risk it and even if it seems hopeless or not the same as in our imaginations, it’s now time to fight for something we believe will be worthwhile.
This is because we also don’t know what our counterpart has experienced in their past and how much it has shaped them.We always carry lessons from all of our experiences with us and it is easy to apply these to opportunities that arise at a later stage. People generally find it easier to assume the worst-case scenario rather than just taking a chance and seeing what comes out of it. Yes, sometimes it pays off, but it could also be a disappointment.
However, it certainly doesn’t help to close the door right from the start just because you don’t see any way or are afraid of reliving past experiences and feelings.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t learn from lessons. What I mean to say is that you can’t project the same situations onto a new person in your life.
Giving up is for those who have forgotten to take risks – I tell myself this every day as a sort of mantra. Yet we just need to let ourselves try – at least to get to know someone sincerely, which takes time and experiences spent together.
Not from a perspective of ego, but from reflection.
We can’t change destiny, but we can have the courage to seize opportunities and leave outcomes open without expectation.